We are not against clean jokes. It is alright if they get you laughing. But as you get older, adult jokes will be more likely to bring on serious laughs.
This list of the best adult jokes will give you a serious dose of laughter and can get you through the day.
1. I’ll admit it, I have a tremendous sex drive. My girlfriend lives forty miles away.
2. A woman walks out of the shower, winks at her boyfriend, and says, “Honey, I shaved myself down there. Do you know what that means?”
The boyfriend says, “Yeah, it means the drain is clogged again.”
3. What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?
One’s a Goodyear. The other’s a great year.
4. What do you call someone who refuses to fart in public?
A private tutor!
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5. What did one butt cheek say to the other? Together, we can stop this crap.
6. How can you tell if your husband is dead?
The sex is the same, but you get to use the remote.
7. What comes after 69?
8. How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex?
Call and tell her about it.
9. What’s the difference between your penis and a bonus check?
Someone’s always willing to blow your bonus.
10. What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?
A guy will actually search for a golf ball!
11. What’s the difference between your boyfriend and a condom?
Condoms have evolved: They’re not so thick and insensitive anymore.
12. What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?
“If we don’t get some support, people will think we’re nuts.”
13. What’s long and hard and full of semen?
14. A guy goes to the store to buy condoms. “Do you want a bag?” the cashier asks.
“No,” the guy says, “she’s not that ugly.”
15. A little boy goes to school but bringing in a cat with him.
Teacher asks him “why did you bring your cat to school?”
The little boy replies, “Well, I heard my daddy telling mommy when the kids leave I’m gonna eat that pu**y up.”
16. What goes in hard and pink, but comes out soft and mushy?
Bubblegum and you should be ashamed of yourself.
17. This morning I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator.
I was staring at boobs and she said “Press One?”
So I did…
I don’t remember much after that.
18. What do you call the useless piece of skin on a penis?
19. A man goes into a florist and says, “I want to buy some flowers for my girlfriend”.
“Certainly sir”, she responds, “and what in particular are you after”?
After some thought, the man answers, “a shag”.
20. Why was the blonde girl’s belly button bruised?
Because blonde men are dumb too.
21. I texted my boss, “What’s the difference between this morning and your daughter?” He answered, “I don’t know.”
I replied, “I’m not coming in this morning.”
22. Me: “When I donate blood I do not extract it myself. A nurse does it for me.”
Receptionist: “Yes, but this is a sperm bank and it doesn’t work that way.”
23. Which side of a duck has the most feathers?
24. Are you ok with being led by a woman?
I don’t know… let me ask my wife what she thinks about that.
25. Do you know why bicycle can’t stand by itself?
Because it is two tired
26. A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, “Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!”. The woman says, “Me too, you’ve been eating grass for the past ten minutes!”
27. Why did the ketchup blush?
Because he saw the salad dressing.
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