50 Of The Funniest ‘Dead Baby Jokes’ Of All Time

1. What’s more, fun that spinning a baby on a clothesline? Stopping it with a shovel.

 

2. How many babies does it take to paint a house? Depends how hard you throw them.

 

3. What do you call a baby on a stick? A Kebabie.

 

4. What’s the difference between a pile of dead babies and a pile of sand? You can’t move a pile of sand with a pitchfork.

 

5. What is worse than that? At the bottom of the pile, there was one trying to eat its way out

 

6. What’s small, red and can’t get into elevators? A baby with a javelin in it’s head.

 

7. What is more disgusting than a pile of 100 dead babies? One live one in the middle is eating its way out.

 

8. How do you get 100 babies into a bucket? With a blender.

 

9. How many dead baby’s does it take to change a light bulb? Couldn’t tell you. I have 50 in my basement, and the light is still out.

 

10. Why do you stick a baby in the blender face first? So you can see it’s feet pulling up into tiny little fists!

 

11. How do you stop a baby from crawling around in circles? Nail it’s other hand to the floor

 

12. What is grosser than ten dead babies nailed to a tree? One dead baby nailed to ten trees.

 

13. How do you unload a truck full of babies? With a pitchfork.

 

14. What screams as it goes round and round? A baby on a spit roast.

 

15. What is more fun than stapling dead babies to the wall? Pulling them off.

 

16. How do you know when you hit a live one? The pitchfork shakes

 

17. How many dead baby’s does it take to change a light bulb? Depends how high your ceiling is.

 

18. What is worse than that? It made it

 

19. What is red and pink and hanging out of your dog’s mouth? Your baby’s leg.

 

20. How do you load 100 screaming babies onto a truck? A pitchfork.

 

21. What’s more fun that spinning a baby on a clothesline at 100MPH? Stopping it with a cricket bat (thwok)

 

22. Why did the tree fall over? The koala never let go.

 

23. You give a Mexican a stick and tell him it’s a pinata!

 

24. What’s the difference between a dead baby and a peanut butter cup? The dead baby won’t stick to the roof of your mouth.

 

25. What has 4 legs and one arm? A Doberman on a children’s playground!

 

26. What’s the difference between a dead baby and a rock? You can’t fuck a rock.

 

27. How do you get them out again? With Doritos.

 

28. How do you get a baby out of a tree?

 

29. What do vegetarian ogres eat? Cabbage patch kids.

 

30. What do you do with 4 dead babies and a sheet of glass? Make a coffee table.

 

31. What is red and goes round and round? A baby in a garbage disposal.

 

32. Why did the kangaroo die? Because the koala landed on it.

 

33. Why did the baby cross the road? It was stapled to the chicken.

 

34. What is cold, blue and doesn’t move? A baby in your freezer.

 

35. Why do you stick a baby in the blender feet first? So you can see the expression on its face!

 

36. Why did the baby fall out of the tree? Because it was stapled to the koala.

 

37. What is the difference between a baby and a onion? No one cries when you chop up the baby.

 

38. How is a baby like a grape? They both give a little wine when you squish them.

 

39. What do you call a dead baby pinned to your wall? Art.

 

40. What does a dingo call a baby in a pram? Meals on wheels.

 

41. What gets louder as it gets smaller? A baby in a trash compactor.

 

42. What goes plop, plop, fizz, fizz? Twins in an acid bath.

 

43. What’s got four wheels, smokes and squeals? A bus load of babies on fire.

 

44. What is the definition of revenge? A baby with a dog in its mouth.

 

45. How do you make a dead baby float? A glass of soda water and 2 scoops of baby.

 

46. What do you call a baby on a pike? A lollipop.

 

47. What’s small, red, and can’t turn around in corridors? A baby with a javelin through its head.

 

48. What is pink, and with the flick of a switch, goes black? A baby playing with a powerpoint.

 

49. How many dead baby’s does it take to change a light bulb? Depend on how good you are at stacking them.

 

50. What is the difference between a deer and a baby? I don’t have a deer head mounted above my mantle.

 

Source: Everything2, THOUGHT CATALOG

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