45 Bar Jokes That Are As Funny As Can Be

We are sure by now you must have heard many jokes which start and end in a bar. That is because the bar is a place where people lose their senses literally. We have some more interesting jokes in this category and you are sure to feel the fun element arising in you once you read them.

1. The Past, Present, And Future Walk Into A Bar.

It was tense. Check out our entire collection of bar jokes here.

 

2. Does She Look Good Yet?

A guy was in a bar drinking beer. He would finish his beer, pull out his wallet and look at a picture of his wife, order another beer take out…

 

3. Drinking Smart

A guy walks into a bar and asks for 10 shots of the establishment’s finest single malt scotch. The bartender sets him up, and the guy takes the first shot in the row and pours it on the floor. He then takes the last shot in the row and does the same. The bartender asks, “Why did you do that?” And the guy replies, “Well the first shot always tastes like crap, and the last one always makes me sick!” The horse says, “You read my mind, buddy.”

 

4. Two Men Walk Into…

Two men walk into a bar. You’d think at least one of them would have ducked.

 

5. Give A Man A Duck And He’ll Eat For A Day. Teach A Man To Duck And He’ll Never Walk Into A Bar.

 

6. Comic Sans, Helvetica, And Times New Roman Walk Into A Bar.

“Get out!” shouts the barman. “We don’t serve your type here!” Here are 50 short jokes anyone can remember.

 

7. A Man Walks Into…

A man walks into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under one arm. The man says, “Beer, please, and one for the road.”

 

8. A Snake Walks Into A Bar. …

The bartender says, “How the fuck did you do that?”

 

9. A Panda Walks Into…

A panda walks into a bar and gobbles some beer nuts. Then he pulls out a gun, fires it in the air, and heads for the door. “Hey!” shouts the…

 

10. Two Conspiracy Theorists Walk Into A Bar.

You can’t tell me that was just a coincidence, man.

 

11. A Horse Walks Into…

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Hey.”

 

12. A Bloody Good Joke

Three vampires walk into a bar. The first one says, “I’ll have a pint of blood.” The second one says, “I’ll have one, too.” The third one says, “I’ll have a pint of plasma.” The bartender says, “So, that’ll be two Bloods and a
Blood Lite?”

 

13. A Blind Man Walks Into A Bar, Then A Table, Then A Chair…

He goes up to a beautiful blonde and says, “So, do I come here often?”

 

14. A Funky Sort Of Joke

A mushroom walks into a bar and orders a drink, but the bartender yells at him to get out before he stinks up the place. The mushroom looks taken aback and says, “Why? I’m a fun guy.”

 

15. Two Dragons Walk Into A Bar.

The first one says, “It sure is hot in here.” His friend snaps back, “Shut your mouth!” Check out the funniest jokes about each U.S. state.

 

16.” Looks Around Again, No One But Him And The Bartender, So He Asks, “Did You Hear That?”

The bartender says, “It’s the peanuts. They’re complimentary.”

 

17. A Frenchman Walks Into A Bar With A Cat On His Shoulder.

The cat is wearing a little baseball cap. “Hey, that’s neat,” says the bartender. “Where did you get that?” “France,” the kitty says, “they’ve got millions of them!” These 25 clever jokes will make you sound smart.

 

18. A Man Walks Into A Bar And Orders A Drink.

A minute later he hears, “You look great. Have you lost weight?” He looks around, but there’s no one near. Again, a minute later, he hears, “You know, you don’t look a day over

 

19. Doctor Jones’ Daiquiri

Doctor Jones likes to stop at a bar after work and enjoy an almond daiquiri. One day, Dick the bartender runs out of almonds and uses hickory nuts instead. The…

 

20. One More Horse Joke For The Road

A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender asks what he’d like. The horse doesn’t reply because it’s a horse and obviously can’t speak or understand English. Several people get up and leave, sensing the danger in having a live animal in a bar.

 

21. Charles Dickens Walks Into…

Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender asks, “Olive or Twist?”

 

22. A Man With Authority Walks Into A Bar. He Orders Everyone Around.

 

23. An Amnesiac Walks Into…

An amnesiac walks into a bar. He goes up to a beautiful blonde and says, “So, do I come here often?”

 

24. A Polar Bear Walks Into A Bar And Says To The Bartender: “I’ll Have A Gin And… Tonic.”

The bartender asks, “Why the big pause?” And the polar bear replies, “I don’t know, I’ve always had them.”

 

25. A Lizard Walks Into…

A lizard walks into a bar pushing a baby in a stroller. “What’s your kid’s name?” asks the bartender. “Tiny,” says the lizard. “Because he’s my newt.”

 

26. A Joke For Latin Geeks

Julius Caesar walks into a bar and says, “I’ll have a Martinus.” The bartender gives him a puzzled look and asks, “Don’t you mean a Martini?” “Look,” Caesar replies, “If I wanted a double, I’d have asked for it!”

 

27. A Man Walks Into A Bar With A Piece Of Asphalt Under His Arm And Says “A Beer Please! And One For The Road!”

 

28. An Old Guy Walks Into…

An old guy walks into a bar and the bartender asks for ID. “You’ve got to be kidding,” he said. “I’m almost 60 years old.” The bartender apologized, but said…

 

29. This Cowboy Walks Into A Bar.

His hat is made of brown wrapping paper, his shirt and vest are made of waxed paper, and his chaps, pants, and boots are made of tissue paper. Pretty soon they arrest him for rustling.

 

30. A Ghost Walks Into A Bar, The Bartender Says, “Sorry, We Don’t Serve Spirits.”

 

31. This Cowboy Walks Into…

This cowboy walks into a bar and orders a beer. His hat is made of brown wrapping paper, his shirt and vest are made of waxed paper, and his chaps,…

 

32. A Priest, A Rabbi And An Imam Walk Into A Bar. The Bartender Says, “What Is This, Some Kind Of Joke?”

 

33. A Man Runs Into A Bar.

Panting, he tells the barkeep, “Give me ten shots of your best whiskey—quick!” So the barkeep sets them up and the man knocks them all back in seconds. “Why you drinking so fast?” asks the barkeep. “You’d drink fast too, if you had what I have,” says the man. “Why, what do you have?” asks the barkeep. “Only twelve cents.”

 

34. The Past, Present And Future…

The past, present, and future walk into a bar. It was tense.

 

35. A Rabbi Walks Into A Bar With A Parrot On His Shoulder. The Bartender Says,

“Where did you get that?” The parrot says, “Brooklyn, they’re everywhere!”

 

36. Ba-Dum Tss

E-flat walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve minors.

 

37. This Dyslexic Guy…

So there was this dyslexic guy who walked into a bra.

 

38. A Guy Walks Into A Bar Owned By Eminem

He tells the bartender,”Give me 2 shots of…” The bartender cuts him off saying,”You only get 1 shot.”

 

39. A Guy Walks Into A Bar Owned By Eminem

He tells the bartender,”Give me 2 shots of…” The bartender cuts him off saying,”You only get 1 shot.”

 

40. Science!

A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. When the neutron gets his drink, he asks, “Bartender, how much do I owe you?” The bartender replies, “For you, neutron, no charge.”

 

41. A Roman Walks Into A Bar, Sticks Two Fingers Up To The Barman And Says, “Five Beers Please.”

 

42. C, EB, And G Walk Into A Bar. The Bartender, Upon Seeing Them, Says “Sorry, We Don’t Serve Minors.”

 

43. The Thirsty Weasel

One day, a fourteen-year-old weasel went down to the local dance hall. The bartender took one look at him and says, “You are under-aged. I can’t serve you beer.” The…

 

44. Old West Jokes Are Just Funnier Somehow

A three-legged dog walks into a saloon, his spurs clinking as he walks, his six-shooter slapping at his furry hip. He bellies up to the bar, stares down the bartender, and proclaims, “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.”

 

45. Keywords Are Everywhere

An SEO expert walks into a bar, bars, pub, tavern, public house, Irish pub, drinks, beer, alcohol

 

Sources : THOUGHT CATALOG, THRILLISTRD.COM

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