50 Coffee Jokes That Will Bring A Big Smile On Your Face

1. Barista: How do you take your coffee?

Me: Very, very seriously.

 

2. Why should you be wary of 5-cent espresso?

It’s a cheap shot.

 

3. What do you call sad coffee?

Despresso.

 

4. What’s a barista’s favorite exercise at the gym?

The French press.

 

5. What did the coffees say before their night out?

Let’s stir up some trouble!

 

6. What’s the best Beatles song?

Latte Be!

 

7. What’s a barista’s favorite morning mantra?

Rise and grind!

 

8. Spouse #1: Honey, this coffee tastes like dirt.

Spouse #2: That’s not surprising, dear, it was just ground this morning.

 

9. Avoid discussing coffee in a sensitive company.

It can make for a heated and strong debate.

 

10. How does Moses make his coffee?

Hebrews it.

 

11. What’s a coffee’s favorite karaoke song?

Hit Me With your Best Shot!

 

12. What did the coffee lover name her son?

Joe, obviously.

 

13. What do beans say to their Valentines?

You keep me grounded.

 

14. What did the caffeine addict name his cats?

Cream and Sugar.

 

15. How does a tech guy drink coffee?

He installs Java!

 

16. How did the hipster burn his tongue?

He drank his coffee before it was cool.

 

17. How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?

You channel surf faster without the remote.

 

18. Why shouldn’t you discuss coffee in polite company?

It can make for a strong and heated debate.

 

19. How does the serial killer like his coffee?

How he likes his victims—all ground up.

 

20. How is divorce like espresso?

It’s expensive and bitter.

 

21. Why did the espresso keep checking his watch?

Because he was pressed for time.

 

22. What do you call sad coffee?

Depresso

23. If the local coffee shop has awarded you.

“Employee of the Month” and you don’t even work there, you may be drinking too much coffee.

 

24. Drinking too much espresso can cause a latte problems.

 

25. There are two types of people in this world: People who love Starbucks and liars.

 

26. How did Henry VIII like his coffee?

Decap

 

27. Hold the sugar please, you’re sweet enough for the both of us.

 

28. A man went to his psychiatrist and said, “Every time I drink my coffee, I get a stabbing pain in my right eye”.

The psychiatrist said, “Well, have you tried…

 

29. How are men like coffee?

The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night.

 

30. How does a tech guy drink coffee?

He installs Java!

 

31. What’s its favorite Bob Marley song?

Don’t Worry, Be Frappé.

 

32. What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?

I asked for coffee.

 

33. I made a pot of coffee.

espresso-ly for you.

 

34. I drink so much coffee at work.

I consider it part of my daily grind.

 

35. What’s it called when you steal someone’s coffee?

Mugging!

 

36. What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?

I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it!

 

37. Where do birds go for coffee?

To the NEST cafe.

 

38. What’s the technical name for a pot of coffee at work?

Break fluid.

 

39. What did the barista’s Valentine say?

I can’t espresso my love for you.

 

40. How does one bad cup of coffee end a marriage?

One person thinks it’s grounds for divorce.

 

41. What do you call it when you walk into a cafe you’re sure you’ve been to before?

Déjà brew.

 

42. Someone stole my coffee cup from work today.

I’m just off down the police station now to look at a few mug shots.

 

43. Why are all Jewish men required to make a good cup of coffee?

Because according to the Torah, He Brews!

 

44. What’s the opposite of coffee?

Sneezy.

 

45. If you sit down to enjoy a hot cup of coffee.

then your boss will ask you to do something that will last until the coffee is cold.

 

46. How are coffee beans like kids?

They’re always getting grounded!

 

47. Why are Italians so good at making coffee?

Because they know how to espresso themselves.

 

48. Why do they call coffee mud?

Because it was ground a couple of minutes ago.

 

49. Why did the espresso keep checking his watch?

Because he was pressed for time.

 

50. What do you call the first level of a coffee factory?

The ground floor.

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