1. Why did Adele cross the road?
To say hello from the other side.
2. My friend drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how his Mercedes bends.
3. What do you call a thieving alligator?
4. What kind of concert only costs 45 cents?
A 50 Cent concert featuring Nickelback.
5. What did Shamu write on his valentine?
I whale love you forever.
6. What did the grape say when it got crushed?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
7. Why are volcanos so nice?
They lava you.
8. What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind?
9. I want to be cremated as it is my last hope for a smoking hot body.
10. What did the pig say to his girlfriend?
Don’t go bacon my heart.
11. What’s the scariest kind of beverage?
12. Why do Christmas lights know the best restaurants in town?
They’re always going out.
13. What did the watermelon say to the cantaloupe?
You’re one in a melon
14. To the guy who invented zero, thanks for nothing.
15. What kind of landscape gives the best compliments?
Plateaus, they’re good at flattery.
16. What do you get when two dinosaurs crash their cars?
17. I had a crazy dream last night! I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda.
Turns out it was just a Fanta sea.
18. Do chemistry majors make good boyfriends?
19. What job did the frog have at the hotel?
20. A crazy wife says to her husband that moose are falling from the sky.
The husband says, it’s reindeer.
21. Who is a chicken’s favorite musician?
22. What do you call a pig that does karate?
23. Ladies, if he can’t appreciate your fruit jokes.
you need to let that mango.
24. How do dogs make sandwiches?
25. What do you call an everyday potato?
26. What was Forrest Gump’s email password?
27. Why do Russian nesting dolls brag so much?
They’re full of themselves.
28. How do you put a baby alien to sleep?
29. Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?
I heard the food was good but it had no atmosphere.
30. Why are fungi always invited on road trips?
They don’t take up mush room.
31. What do you call a thieving crocodile?
32. Can February March?
No, but April May.
33. What happens when you go on a date with a root vegetable?
Your heart beets fast.
34. What do you call a lazy kangaroo?
A pouch potato
35. Need an ark to save two of every animal?
I noah guy.
36. Why can’t you sell a shoe to a bear?
They prefer bear feet.
37. What did the volcano say to his wife?
I lava you
38. I don’t trust stairs because they’re always up to something.
39. Why do frogs always work at hotels?
They make good bellhops.
40. What do you call and owl that does magic tricks?
41. Smaller babies may be delivered by stork but the heavier ones need a crane.
42. What did one slice of bread say to the other at their wedding?
Let’s grow mold together.
43. Why did the banana go to the doctor?
It wasn’t peeling well
44. Why did the banana go to the and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
45. What did the bowl of soup write on their Valentine?
I love you pho real.
46. What do you call a classy fish?
47. Why was Dumbo sad?
He felt irrelephant.
48. What kind of shorts do clouds have on under their clothes?
49. What do you call a bear with no teeth?