27 Dad Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Like dad jokes? Scroll down below to see some of the best funny dad jokes around!

 

1. Why Wasn’t The Woman Happy With The Velcro She Bought? It Was A Total Ripoff.

 

2. You’re American When You Go Into The Bathroom, And You’re American When You Come Out, But Do You Know What You Are While You’re In There? European.

 

3. “I hate those people who knock on your door and say you need to get ‘saved’ or you’ll ‘burn.’ Stupid firemen.”

—U/Mudpucket1969

Dad Jokes That Should Not Under Any Circumstances Be Told To Kids

 

4. I’m Reading A Book About Anti-gravity. It’s Impossible To Put Down!

 

5. “I saw my wife, slightly drunk, yelling at the TV: ‘Don’t go in there! Don’t go in the church, you moron!’ She was watching our wedding video again.”

—U/porichoygupto

 

6. “My son is now at that age where he’s curious about the human body. I guess I’ll have to hide it somewhere else now.”

—U/that_introverted_guy

Dad Jokes That Should Not Under Any Circumstances Be Told To Kids

 

7. When A Dad Drives Past A Graveyard: Did You Know That’s A Popular Cemetery? Yep, People Are Just Dying To Get In There!

 

8. “Did you hear about the guy who dipped his testicles in glitter? Pretty Nuts!”

—U/sezza191

 

9. “Ladies, if he can’t appreciate your fruit jokes…you need to let that mango.”

—U/MrNakamura

Dad Jokes That Should Not Under Any Circumstances Be Told To Kids

 

10. Justice Is A Dish Best Served Cold, If It Were Served Warm It Would Be Justwater.

 

11. “My stoner friend used my daily agenda notebook to roll up a joint. He is now high on my list of priorities.”

—U/porichoygupto

 

12. “A sperm donor, a carpenter, and Julius Caesar walk into a bar He came, he saw, he conquered.”

—U/Mandalore02

Dad Jokes That Should Not Under Any Circumstances Be Told To Kids

 

13. Mom: “How Do I Look?” Dad: “With Your Eyes.”

 

14. “Gonorrhea would have been a great name for diarrhea medicine.”

—U/daugarten

 

15. “My wife is furious at our next door neighbor who sunbathes topless in her backyard. Personally, I’m on the fence.”

—U/porichoygupto

Dad Jokes That Should Not Under Any Circumstances Be Told To Kids

 

16. I Told My Son I Was Named After Thomas Jefferson… He Said, “but Dad, Your Name Is Brian.” I Said, “i Know, But I Was Named After Thomas Jefferson.”

 

17. “What has two butts and kills people? An assassin.”

—U/LeCrowing

 

18. “It’s okay if your phone autocorrects ‘fuck’ to ‘duck.’ You’re still using fowl language.”

—U/GeezusManForReal

Dad Jokes That Should Not Under Any Circumstances Be Told To Kids

 

19. Why Couldn’t The Bike Standup By Itself? It Was Two Tired.

 

20. “I hear it’s easy to get ladies not to eat Tide pods. It’s more difficult to deter gents, though.”

—U/Boomkiller

 

21. “When two people have sex, its a twosome. When three people have sex, its a threesome. Now I know why people call you handsome.”

—U/Ph4nto8

Dad Jokes That Should Not Under Any Circumstances Be Told To Kids

 

22. When A Woman Is Giving Birth, She Is Literally Kidding.

 

23. “My boss hates when I shorten his name to Dick. Especially because his name’s Steve.”

—U/shonzo18

 

24. “I bought shoes from a drug dealer once. I don’t know what he laced them with but I was tripping all day.”

—U/That-_one-_guy

Dad Jokes That Should Not Under Any Circumstances Be Told To Kids

25. Why Did The Crab Never Share? Because He’s Shellfish.

 

26. Waitress: “Soup Or Salad?” Dad: “I Don’t Want A Super Salad, I Want A Regular Salad.”

 

27. What Do You Get When You Cross An Elephant With A Rhino? Elephino.

 

Image Source : BuzzFeed

 

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