Dark jokes are not for everybody. These jokes often treat difficult subjects such as deformity, disease, failure, death, etc. It has been proven that dark jokes are appreciated by people who have higher IQs than those who don’t.
We have complied 40+ dark jokes that are so funny that you may laugh out loud, but at the same, they also make you realize that life is not always about good times. Life can be hard sometimes. And you should know how to take a moment of darkness, and come out of it.
1. What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
2. Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
3. I was reading a great book about an immortal dog the other day. It was impossible to put down.
Never break someone’s heart, they only have one. Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them.
4. Today was a terrible day. My ex got hit by a bus. And I lost my job as a bus driver!
5. “Just say NO to drugs!” Well, If I’m talking to my drugs, I probably already said yes.
6. An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.
7. I have a joke about trickle down economics. But 99% of you will never get it.
8. I was in Russia listening to a stand-up comedian making fun of Putin. The jokes weren’t that good, but I liked the execution.
9. My wife of 60 years told me, “Let’s go upstairs and make love.” I just sighed and said, “Choose one, I can’t do both.”
10. I wasn’t close to my father when he died. Which is lucky because he stepped on a landmine.
11. My elderly relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying, “You’ll be next!” They soon stopped though, once I started doing the same to them at funerals.
12. My grandfather says I’m too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
13. My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”
14. My friend said that if he went off a cliff, it would be on his own accord. It’s a good thing he drives a Civic.
15. What’s worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? Biting into an apple and finding half a worm.
16. My parents raised me as an only child, which really annoyed my younger brother.
17. My grief counselor died the other day. He was so good at his job, I don’t even care.
18. Tombstone engraving:
I TOLD you I was sick.
19. You’re not completely useless.
You can always serve as a bad example.
20. Why did the mailman die?
Because everybody dies.
21. Why don’t cannibals eat clowns?
Because they taste funny.
22. The cemetery is so overcrowded.
People are just dying to get in.
23. Doctor: “I have good and bad news.”
Patient: “Give me the good news first.”
Doctor: “Your test results are back and you have only two days to live.”
Patient: “That’s the good news? What’s the bad news?”
Doctor: “I’ve been trying to reach you for two days.”
24. I hope Death is a woman.
That way it will never look at me twice.
25. Why do vampires seem sick?
They’re always coffin.
26. Man: “I work with animals.”
Woman: “That’s so sweet. I love a man who cares about animals. Where do you work?”
Man: “I work in the butcher shop up the street.”
27. What did the husband say after he was caught masturbating to an optical illusion?
“Hon, it’s not what it looks like!”
28. A man went into a library and ask and asked for a book on how to commit suicide.
The librarian said: “Fuck off, you won’t bring it back.”
29. What do you call a blonde in the freezer?
Her parents named her Cindy so we should probably continue to call her that. She was supposed to graduate tomorrow.
30. So a guy is walking with a young boy into the woods.
Boy “hey mister its getting dark out and I’m scared”
Man “how do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone”
31. My grandmother used to tell us a joke. She’d say “Knock knock”, we’d say “Who’s there?”
Then she’d say “I can’t remember”… and start to cry.
32. Where did Lucy go during the bombing?
33. Why do orphans like playing tennis? Because it’s the only love they get.
34. When you hit a speed bump in a school zone and remember, there are no speed bumps.
35. My grandfather has the heart of a lion… And a lifetime ban from the zoo.
36. I’ve been looking for my ex girlfriend’s killer for the past two years. But no one would do it.
37. My family is like a treasure…
You need a map and shovel to find them.
38. Why are priests called father? because its too suspicious to call them daddy.
39. I’d tell a joke about my abusive dad but I only remember the punch line.
40. Kids in the backseat make accidents and accidents in the back seat make kids.
41. What is a similarity between a pregnant 14-year-old and the fetus inside of her?
They both are thinking “Shit! Mom is gonna kill me!”
42. When you going 80 mph and hit a speed bump Then the speed bump starts screaming
43. What’s the difference between a baby and a baked potato?
About 140 calories.
44. Never invest in funerals. It’s a dying industry.