70 Dirty Jokes That Are Filthy But You’ll Laugh At

These dirty jokes, sourced from the Internet, that will bring a cheeky smile on your face!

1. What Do You Call An Expert Fisherman?

A Master Baiter

 

2. What’s Worse Than Waking Up At A Party And Finding A Penis Drawn On Your Face?

Finding out it was traced.

 

3. What’s The Difference Between Your Job And A Dead Prostitute?

Your job still sucks.

 

4. What’s The Best Part About Gardening?

Getting down and dirty with your hoes.

 

5. What Do You Call A Nanny With Breast Implants?

A faux-pair.

 

6. Why Isn’t There A Pregnant Barbie Doll?

Ken came in another box.

 

7. What Did The Toaster Say To The Slice Of Bread?

I want you inside me!44

 

8. What Do You Call A Cheap Circumcision

A rip-off.

 

9. What Are The Three Shortest Words In The English Language?

Is it in?

 

10. What Does The Sign On An Out-Of-Business Brothel Say?

Beat it. We’re closed.

 

11. What Do You Call A Herd Of Cows Masturbating?

Beef strokin’ off.

 

12. What Did One Butt Cheek Say To The Other?

Together, we can stop this shit.

 

13. How Is Being In The Military Like Getting A Blowjob?

The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.

 

14. What Does In Hard And Dry, But Comes Out Soft And Wet?

Chewing gum

 

15. What Do You Call Someone Who Refuses To Fart In Public?

A private tutor.

 

16. What Do You Do With A Year’s Worth Of Used Condoms?

Melt them into a tire and call it a goodyear.

 

17. What Do You Call An It Teacher Who Touches His Students?

A PDF file.

 

18. How Are Gay People Like Mice?

They both hate pussies.

 

19. What Goes In Hard And Dry, But Comes Out Soft And Wet?

Gum.

 

20. What Do Women And Noodles Have In Common?

Both wiggle when you eat them.

 

21. What’s The Last Thing Tickle Me Elmo Receives Before Leaving The Factory?

Two Test-tickles

 

22. What Do A Bungee Jump And A Hooker Have In Common?

They’re both cheap, fast, and if the rubber breaks, you’re pretty much screwed.

23. How Does A Woman Scare A Gynecologist?

By becoming a ventriloquist.

 

24. What Do You Do When Your Cat’s Dead?

Play with the neighbor’s pussy instead.

You May Also Like :

25. What Do You Get When You Jingle A Man’s Balls?

A white Christmas.

 

26. What Do You Call An Incestuous Nephew?

An aunt-eater.

 

27. What’s Long, Hard And Erects Stuff?

A Crane!

 

28. What Is Moby Dick’s Dad’s Name?

Papa Boner.

 

29. What Should You Do If You Come Across An Elephant?

Apologize and wipe it off.

 

30. What’s The Difference Between Hungry And Horny?

Where you stick the cucumber.

 

31. What’s The Difference Between A Rabbi And A Priest?

A rabbi cuts them off. A priest sucks them off.

 

32. Why Don’t Little Girls Fart?

They don’t get assholes til they’re married.

 

33. What Do You Call A Man Who Cries While He Pleasures Himself?

A tearjerker.

 

34. What Do You Call A Guy Who Cries When He Masturbates?

A tearjerker.

 

35. What’s The Difference Between A Tire And 365 Used Condoms?

One’s a Goodyear. The other’s a great year.

 

36. Why Does Dr. Pepper Come In A Bottle?

Because his wife died.

 

37. What Did One Broke Hooker Say To The Other?

Can you lend me ten bucks ‘til I’m on my back again?

 

38. How Do You Get A Nun Pregnant?

Dress her up like an altar boy.

 

39. What’s The Difference Between An Oral And A Rectal Thermometer?

The taste.

 

40. What Do You Call A Cheap Circumcision?

A rip-off!

 

41. Why Does Miss Piggy Douche With Honey?

Because Kermit likes his pork sweet and sour.

 

42. What’s The Difference Between Hungry And Horny?

Where you stick the cucumber.

 

43. What’s Better Than A Cold Bud?

A warm bush.

 

44. Why Did The Woman Leave Her Husband After He Spent All Their Money On A Penis Enlarger?

She just couldn’t take it any longer.

45. What Do You Call Someone Who Refuses To Fart In Public?

A private tutor.

 

46. Why Is Diarrhea Hereditary?

It runs in your genes.

 

47. Why Does Dr. Pepper Come In A Bottle?

Because his wife died.

 

48. What Type Of Bird Gives The Best Head?

A swallow.

 

49. What Does A Slut Say When Her Daughter Asks How To Spell “Penis”?

“I wish you’d asked me last night, when it was on the tip of my tongue.”

 

50. Why Can’t You Hear A Psychologist Using The Bathroom?

Because the ‘p’ is silent!

 

51. What Do You Call Two Men Fighting Over A Slut?

Tug-of-whore.

You May Also Like :

52. Why Does A Mermaid Wear Seashells?

Because she outgrew her B-shells.

 

53. What’s The Difference Between Your Penis And A Bonus Check?

Someone’s always willing to blow your bonus.

 

54. What Does A Penis And A Rubik’s Cube Have In Common?

The more you play with it, the harder it gets.

 

55. Why Are Men Like Diapers?

They’re usually full of shit, but thankfully disposable.

 

56. What Did The Leper Say To The Prostitute?

Keep the tip.

 

57. How Do You Make Your Girlfriend Scream During Sex?

Call and tell her about it.

 

58. What Did One Of The Prostitute’s Knees Say To The Other?

How come we spend so little time together?

 

59. What Does The Receptionist At A Sperm Bank Say As Clients Leave?

Thanks for coming!

 

60. What’s The Speed Limit Of Sex?

68, at 69 you have to turn around.

 

61. How Is A Woman Like A Road?

They both have manholes.

62. Why Did The Sperm Cross The Road?

Because I put on the wrong sock this morning.

 

63. How Is Tightrope Walking Like Getting A Blowjob From Someone Ugly?

If you want to enjoy either, you absolutely can’t look down.

64. What Do You Call The Lesbian Version Of A Cock Block?

A beaver dam.

 

65. Why Does A Mermaid Wear Seashells?

Because she outgrew her B-shells!

 

66. What Do Priests And Mcdonald’s Have In Common?

They both stick their meat in 10-year-old buns.

 

67. What Do A Nearsighted Gynecologist And A Puppy Have In Common?

A wet nose.

 

68. What Do A Penis And A Rubik’s Cube Have In Common?

The more you play with it, the harder it gets.

 

69. How Did Burger King Get Dairy Queen Pregnant?

He forgot to wrap his whopper.

 

70. What’s The Best Thing About Dating A Homeless Person?

You can drop them off anywhere.

 

Source : THOUGHT CATALOG, BEST LIFE , List25 

Add Comment