There are two types of people in the world. Those who openly admit that they are always hungry for dirty jokes and those who say they don’t love dirty jokes, but read them secretly. They never admit that they have a raunchy sense of humor.
These adult dirty jokes are for both types of people. Some of these jokes are so dirty that you can’t stop yourself from sharing them with your friends.
1. What did the elephant ask the naked man?
“How do you breathe out of that thing?”
2. How is life like toilet paper?
You’re either on a roll or taking shit from someone.
3. How do you spot a blind man on a nude beach?
It’s not hard.
4. What kind of bees make milk?
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5. What do you call a cheap circumcision?
A rip off.
6. What do you call a person who doesn’t masturbate?
7. My girlfriend asked me if I smoke after sex…
I said I haven’t looked.
8. A guy is sitting at the doctor’s office.
The doctor walks in and says, “I have some bad news. I’m afraid you’re going to have to stop masturbating.”
“I don’t understand, doc,” the patient says. “Why?”
“Because,” the doctor says. “I’m trying to examine you.”
9. How did you quit smoking?
I decided to smoke only after sex.
10. Do you want to hear a joke about my vagina?
Never mind. You’ll never get it!
11. What did the penis say to the condom?
“Cover me, I’m going in.”
12. My girlfriend told me she always smokes after sex.
I told her we should use some lube next time.
13. What’s the speed limit in bed?
It’s 68. Once you hit 69, you have to turn back around.
14. What did the woman say when her boyfriend cried after sex?
“I had you pegged for someone else.”
15. What do bridge and sex have in common?
If you don’t have a good partner, you better have a really good hand!
16. Life is like a penis.
Often hard for no reason!
17. Boyfriend: “Want a quickie?”
Girlfriend: “As opposed to what?”
18. Why do women wear panties with flowers on them?
In loving memory of all the faces that have been buried there.
19. When should condoms be used?
Every conceivable occasion.
20. My friend met a male porn actor the other day.
She told me he was really cocky.
21. Sex on TV can’t hurt…
Unless you fall off.
22. I’ll admit it, I have a tremendous sex drive. My girlfriend lives forty miles away.
23. A naked man broke into a church. The police chased him around and finally caught him by the organ.
24. Why did the sperm cross the road? Because I put on the wrong sock this morning.
25. What do you get when you cross a dick with a potato? A dictator!
26. My neighbor has been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude. I personally am on the fence.
27. What comes after 69? Mouthwash.
28. Dear NASA: Your mom thought I was big enough.–Pluto
29. What’s the difference between hungry and horny? Where you stick the cucumber.
30. Why isn’t there a pregnant Barbie doll? Ken came in another box.
31. What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say as clients leave? “Thanks for coming!”
32. “One sex therapist claims that the most effective way to arouse your man is to spend 10 minutes licking his ears. Personally, I think it’s b***ocks.”
33. “Better sexy and racy, than sexist and racist.”
34. Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack?
He only comes once a year.
35. Want to hear a joke about my penis?
Nevermind. It’s too long.
36. What does a perverted frog say?
37. How does a woman scare a gynecologist?
By becoming a ventriloquist.
38. Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels.
39. I got a DVD on how to improve your foreplay. I had to fast-forward through the boring bit at the beginning.
40. I tried phone sex once, but the holes were too small.