1. If there’s 4 birds sitting on a fence and you get a gun and shoot one, how many are left? NoneThe rest fly away.
2. What do you call a crate of ducks? A box of quackers.
3. What birds are found in Portugal? Portu-geese
4. What language do geese speak? Porchageese.
5. What kind of bird doesn’t need a comb? A bald eagle.
6. What does duck eat with his soup? Quackers.
7. What did one egg say to the other egg? Let’s get crackin’
8. Why couldn’t anyone see the bird? Because it was in da skies!
9. Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole? He wanted to make a long-distance caw.
10. What did the baby owl’s parents say when he wanted to go to a party? You re not owld enough
11. How did the bird break into the house? With a crow bar
12. What do you give a sick bird? A Tweetment
13. What kind of bird can carry the most weight? The crane.
14. What bird is with you at every meal? A swallow
15. What do you call a bird in the winter? Brrr-d
16. What do you get when you cross a bird with a comedian? Jay Leno.
17. Why did Mozart sell his chickens? Because they kept saying “bach bach”!
18. Which birds steal soap from the bath? Robber ducks!
19. What’s the difference between bird flu and swine flu? If you have bird flu, you need tweetmentIf you have swine flu, you need oink-ment.
20. What do you call a chicken in the 1960’s? A funky chicken.
21. What is a parrot’s favorite game? Hide and Speak!
22. What birds spend all their time on their knees? Birds of prey
23. What do you get if you cross a centipede and a parrot? A walkie-talkie
24. What’s another name for a clever duck? A wise quacker!
25. What do Scottish owls sing? Owld Lang Syne
26. Did you hear the story about the peacock? Yes, it’s a beautiful tale.
27. How did the bird break into the house? With a crowbar.
28. Why couldn’t anyone see the bird? Because it was in da skies (disguise)
29. What’s smarter than a talking parrot? A spelling bee
30. Why did the bird go to the gift shop? Because he wanted a tweet (treat)
31. How do chickens get strong? Egg-cersize.
32. What did they call the canary that flew into the pastry dish? Tweetie Pie!
33. What figure describes a lost parrot? A polygon
34. Why did the little bird get in trouble at school? Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
35. Why did the parrot wear a raincoat? Because she wanted to be a Polly unsaturated
36. Where do birds invest their money? In the stork market!
37. Where does bird royalty live? Duckingham Palace.
38. What is even smarter than a talking bird? A spelling bee
39. What kind of bird runs the church? A cardinal!
40. Why did the pelican get kicked out of the restaurant? Because he had a very big bill.
41. What do you call a woodpecker with no beak? A headbanger
42. What do you call a very rude bird? A mockingbird!
43. What soap do birds use? Dove.
44. What bird movie won an Oscar? Lord of the Wings.
45. What do you call a parrot that doesn’t eat? A polynomeal (polynomial)
46. What is the difference between a fly and a bird? A bird can fly but a fly can’t bird
47. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot
48. How do you get a parrot to talk properly? Send him to polytechnic.
49. Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bay gulls!
50. What’s noisier than a whooping crane? A trumpeting swan
51. What profession did the parrot get into when it swallowed the clock? Politics
52. Why was the sparrow in the library? It was looking for bookworms.
53. What do you call a sick eagle? Illegal
54. How did the egg cross the road? It scrambled across
55. What kind of birds do you have to keep locked up? Jailbirds
56. How do crows stick together in a flock? Velcrow
57. What do you call a bunch of chickens playing hide-and-seek? Fowl play!
58. What do you call a bird that kicks your butt? Steven Seagull.
59. What is green and pecks on trees? Woody the Wood Pickle.
60. When should you buy a bird? When it’s going cheep!
61. When does a teacher carry birdseed? When there is a parrot-teacher conference
62. What robs you while you’re in the bathtub? A robber ducky.
63. What’s a parrot’s favorite game? Monopoly
64. What do you call a sad bird? A bluebird!
65. What do you get if you cross a parrot with a pig? A bird that hogs the conversation
66. What do you get when you kiss a diseased bird? Cherpies.
67. Why do hummingbirds hum? Because they don’t know the words.
68. Which side of a parrot has the prettiest feathers? The outside
69. What kind of bird works at a construction site? The crane
70. What bird is helpful at dinner? A swallow!
71. What kind of birds do you usually find locked up? Jail-birds!
72. How many cans does it take to make a bird? Two cans.
73. How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely? With its sparrowchute.
74. Why does the bird bring toilet paper to the party? Because he is a party pooper
75. What do you call a parrot that flew away? A polygon.