1. How Many Lips Does A Flower Have?
2. How Does A Squid Go Into Battle?
3. What’s A Skeleton’s Favorite Musical Instrument?
4. What Disease Do You Get When You Put Up The Christmas Decorations?
5. What Do You Call Bees That Produce Milk?
6. What Did The First Plate Say To The Second Plate?
Dinner’s on me.
7. What Did The Football Coach Say To The Broken Vending Machine?
Give me my quarterback.
8. What Sits At The Bottom Of The Sea And Twitches?
A nervous wreck.
9. Hear About The New Restaurant Called Karma?
There’s no menu: You get what you deserve.
10. How Do You Make A Swiss Roll?
Push him down a mountain.
11. How Do You Drown A Hipster?
Throw him in the mainstream.
12. What Did The Swordfish Say To The Marlin?
You’re looking sharp.
13. What Do Olympic Sprinters Eat Before A Race?
Nothing. They fast.
14. Did You Hear About The Actor Who Fell Through The Floorboards?
He was just going through a stage. If you laugh at these dark jokes, you’re probably a genius.
15. What Does A Nut Say When It Sneezes?
16. Why Did Santa Study Music At College?
To improve his rapping skills.
17. How Does Moses Make Tea?
18. What Does Charles Dickens Keep In His Spice Rack?
The best of thymes, the worst of thymes. Check out the favorite hilarious jokes of famous comedy writers.
19. What Kind Of Exercise Do Lazy People Do?
20. How Do You Make A Venetian Blind?
Poke him in the eyes.
21. How Do You Keep A Bagel From Getting Away?
Put lox on it. Check out more funny puns here.
22. What Kind Of Exercise Do Lazy People Do?
23. What Did The Hat Say To The Tie?
You hang around. I’ll go on a head!
24. What Do You Call A Parade Of Rabbits Hopping Backwards?
A receding hare-line.
25. What’s The Different Between A Cat And A Comma?
A cat has claws at the end of paws; A comma is a pause at the end of a clause.
26. Why Did Adele Cross The Road?
To say hello from the other side!
27. What Kind Of Tea Is Hard To Swallow?
28. Did You Hear About The Claustrophobic Astronaut?
He just needed a little space. Don’t miss these other science jokes every nerd will appreciate.
29. Where Are Average Things Manufactured?
The satisfactory. These are our favorite jokes of all time.
30. WhyDid The Cookie Go To The Doctor?
Because he felt crummy!
31. What Do You Call A Magic Owl?
32. WhyDid The Mobile Phone Need Glasses?
It lost all it’s contacts.
33. What Did The Hat Say To The Scarf?
You go ahead, I’ll hang around.
34. What Kind Of Music Do Mummies Listen To?
35. How Do Billboards Talk?
36. How Many Tickles Does It Take To Make An Octopus Laugh?
37. Why Was The Mermaid Wearing Seashells?
38. What Did The Baby Corn Say To The Mama Corn?
Where’s pop corn?
39. What Did The Triangle Say To The Circle?
40. What Do You Call Crystal Clear Urine?
41. WhatDid The Fish Say When He Ran Into The Wall?
42. Why Does Snoop Dog Use An Umbrella?
43. Why Can’t You Trust The King Of The Jungle?
Because he’s always lion.
44. What’s A Pepper That Won’t Leave You Alone?
45. How Does A Rancher Keep Track Of His Cattle?
With a cow-culator.
46. What Do You Call An Unpredictable Camera?
A loose Canon.
47. WhaT Do You Get When You Cross A Snowman With A Vampire?
48. What Do You Call A Shoe Made Out Of A Banana?
49. WhyCouldn’t The Toilet Paper Cross The Road?
Because it got stuck in a crack.
50. Why Can You Never Trust An Atom?
Because they make up everything!
51. When Is A Car Not A Car?
When it turns into a street.
52. Why Did The Stadium Get Hot After The Game?
All the fans left.
53. How Do Snails Fight?
They slug it out.
54. Why Did The Bicycle Fall Over?